Dharmen’s 84th birthday was in April. Together, we began his new Uranian cycle with profound gratitude for the precious experience of being alive – and for the unwavering love and connection between us.
The day before his 84th birthday, Dharmen had a stroke.
As we reach a significant age, living in a human body brings its own unique challenges. No one gets out alive, and you can't go back to how it was before.
This period of our lives is about finding a new balance.
For Dharmen, it was physical. The stroke was mild, but it affected the right side of his body, leaving an internal sense of tension and, initially, some limitation in his right hand’s movements. The greater impact was on his proprioception, our ability to maintain balance as we navigate gravity and move through space and time. At 6’ 7” (200.66 cm), issues with balance and posture while standing and walking are compounded by his height. As an athlete all his life, with a 3rd-line history of physical injury and healing cycles, how resilient would his body and brain be at 84? As Dharmen is a pessimist, there were doubts.
The good news is that his body remains resilient. His PHS determination and 20 years of practice, together with his body’s tonal awareness, have been a tremendous support. In September, five months after his stroke, his neurology team of stroke specialists and orthopedists determined that no residual effects remained from the stroke.
When I asked him about his experience, he said, ‘I had no idea what life after the stroke would be like, so I needed to see what life would bring. Nothing changed internally; I’m here, experiencing being alive.’ He added, ‘If I’m still alive in December, I will share some of what I’ve learned along the way at the Finding Your Passenger clinic.’
Discovering a new balance has been a journey for each of us. As he’s navigated his physical adaptations, I’ve adapted as well. I’ve been discovering what no longer fits and what continues to nourish me, where I’m thriving, and what I need to let go of. As I am deeply Right-oriented, Everything Everywhere All at Once is my style – yet I’m finding new limits to my capacity. How much stimulation can I take in before I need a break to digest and process? And how do I balance that with the new demands of daily life with a partner who is also finding his own balance?
In this process, I’ve found so much joy in spending more time with Dharmen. It’s also been a deeply creative period of inner work. I’ve been exploring further practical applications for advanced Human Design mechanics. In my process, I’ve realized my time is limited and precious.
For me, this has meant letting go of teaching Advanced Analyst Certification courses in the IHDS. Although I deeply enjoyed working with HD analysts through these programs, it was time to move on after 18 years of teaching in the IHDS. Now I’m experimenting with a lighter teaching schedule and offering new courses and events that are timely, practical, and experiential, grounded in advanced Human Design mechanics.
I have realized balance isn't a fixed state; there is no outcome to achieve. Balance is a moment-by-moment experience, as is everything in life.
Recovery is a myth; there is no going back to how the body ‘was before’; there is only now and how the body is. Letting go of what was and being fully present to what is – that has been our path and our recognition throughout this process of discovering a new balance. Even the concept of ‘new balance’ is a misnomer – there is only now, this moment’s sense of where we are in space and time, and the equilibrium of this state of being in a body. It’s a realization of Being, not an attempt to control life.
The mind resists letting go of how things used to be. That moment is gone, never to be relived; the mind has generalized a single sensation from a specific experience into a sense of how things should be. The mind wants to hold onto that experience, that sensation; it wants life to be that way, always. The truth, I’ve discovered, is that life is constantly in motion, ever-changing; nothing holds, moment by moment. There is only this breath, and if we are fortunate, another one is already on its way. If we get stuck in how things were before, we will miss the beauty, grace, and preciousness of this moment.
